Year 2/Week 14: When Hot is Not

My son was hot today and that's what it finally took to shake me awake today.

The last two weeks have been very difficult – both for me and the boys. Although I thought our weeklong break at Thanksgiving would have given us enough of a break for us to start our third 6-week schedule, we have barely finished a week's worth of work after eight school days. Of course, it didn't help that we had two snow days this week (I know, I know, a homeschooler doesn't really HAVE snow days, but..oh, well, we needed them :), but those actually helped.

Our most serious school work dysfunction started the week before Thanksgiving and I figured it was excitement over the holiday. We took Thanksgiving week off and entertained, visited and traveled to see family in a fun week. We returned from our last family visit from out of state late Sunday night on December 1st...and all forward progress stopped at that point, I'm afraid. Because I hadn't taken time to really figure out our lesson plan for the last month of the year, we didn't have a real game plan and I'm afraid it showed. It really set me up for a rough time, but no matter what I did, I couldn't figure out what to do next. I felt panicked and paralyzed and had no idea why. I was increasely aware that we were falling behind in art, religion and health.

We limped along for the week, doing our daily spelling, reading, basic science and history and some math. Danny is thoroughly stuck on his triple digit multiplication, so I spent extra time just walking him through all his exercises and abbreviating all his work and quizzes, but it is still trying on his spirit. He “got” some parts a little on Wednesday when I tried a new review approach and we had a brief celebration, but he still couldn't complete the unit quiz that followed, so I started foundering at that point. Then Wednesday afternoon our PE teacher at the Y was a no-show due to a scheduling snafu, so the boys lost some decompression time, which didn't help either.

Thursday was interesting at band practice. Our lovely Encore Academy instructor is extraordinarily patient and funny with the kids but after Danny's 5^th or 6^th question about when the class would finally end, she jokingly said that the band wasn't finished but if he was done, he could pack up and leave. Which he immediately did. She was totally gobsmacked and couldn't believe he did it (she had no idea he was on the autism spectrum and takes everything literally)! But Danny did what was perfectly logical and what she offered, so I understood what had happened. After class, I explained it to him and what to do next time (when he needs a break, just asked to be excused to the restroom until he is ready to rejoin us) and explained it to Mindy in an email later. Nothing major, but I felt like a stress sandwich that was getting more and more layers and it was getting more than I could handle.

This past weekend gave me my first breathing room in weeks and Monday and Tuesday were our first official “snow days”, which was a true blessing. We used the weekend to finish putting up the tree and getting some work done on the front yard so we can eventually put up Christmas lights outside...maybe. After a week of being home, I FINALLY got the suitcases unpacked and caught up on MOST of the laundry (this just reminded that I need to get Ben's clothes in the wash if I want him to have ANY clean pants tomorrow...) and the dishes done. Sort of. By Monday we had some semblance of order again and I thanked God all day Monday for this excuse to put school aside for another day and pray for inspiration – along with running errands and going for a huge grocery store run.

Tuesday gave us a second snow “storm” and a true snow day. This was the first time I actually felt like I could breathe. My brain had sorted out a little but the anxiety/panic of not knowing what to do for school was still bubbling under the surface. It's not that I don't have the curriculum – I do! It's more – something about missing something, not doing enough, not teaching the boys what they will really need. When Danny gets totally log-jammed in his brain (usually about math), I go into this panic mode because I know the school system definitely didn't help him when that happened and if I can't, then where do I go and what do I do?! I don't trust counselors or psychologists anymore (this is a long story involving another child and trust me – you wouldn't go back either), so unless I schlep him up to Kennedy Krieger every time I need help, I'm on my own here. Sometimes the weight of the responsibility for all four of my wonderful, unique and amazing children is too much to bear. Not that I don't want to...I sometimes don't believe I am able.

But God always finds a way. You know the old saying that if you are really strong you bend, not break? Well, I am blessed that God always seems to show me a way to bend when I think I will finally break.

Today, we had an “okay” day at school. Danny was still struggling to concentrate at all and Benjamin was being a goofball at a record rate. Both of them kept our progress all morning to a snail's pace and although I tried to be goodnatured about it for the first hour or so, by the second hour I had really lost patience. We did manage to finish our daily spelling, a Nativity bible lesson from the gospels along with a worksheet, the second chapter of Caddie Woodlawn (Yea! Finally a book I know and loved as a child!) and a really good instrument practice. We trotted over to the YMCA for our PE class and got there on time. Check. I took my brief break to run our Angel Tree gifts over to the church and got that checked off my list, along with connecting with my Avon customers from church. Check. When I got back, I was ready to pick up the boys and finish the 3 or 4 final subjects for the day before I picked up my granddaughter after school, made dinner and took the boys to church choir.

And then I bent. Danny came out of the PE gym with his winter coat on over his sweating body. He had the hood up and almost covering his face and I knew something had changed. He had said numerous times all day that he was just having a terrible day. I knew that it mostly stemmed from the internet being out and he couldn't listen to his favorite songs streamed on his tablet, but I didn't realize it had gotten so bad. I just had to stop trying to push all of us forward with our schedule and stop to listen to his pain. Only part of his face was peaking out and he either had sweat or tears on his cheeks when I asked him why he wanted to be hot. He said that “it was the only thing that makes me feel better because the day was so bad”. I'm not exactly sure what words he used, but I knew that what his heart was trying to tell me was that he wanted to make his outside – his body – feel as bad as his inside – his spirit – felt. And that was it for me. All the anger flew out of me and all the love and care came racing in.

From that point on, I threw out the schedule and started ministering to my children's hearts again. And immediately my panic and anxiety totally lifted. We went to our favorite snack shop and we picked out our favorite food, which I usually ration out. But not today. I was blessed again when my granddaughter's other grandmother spontaneously offered to pick her up from school and that was off my plate. Then we went home and watched a BBC video (since the internet still isn't working – wah wah wah) and relaxed. I cancelled the rest of our classes and also decided to take church choir off our schedule for the night, too. I know we will fall behind on our schedule this session. I know I may need to drop back and punt next year, but right now I don't care. I started homeschool to take care of my sons' needs, education AND hearts and that's what I need to do. And by nurturing them, I nurture me, I nurture US.

I get it now. I'm learning. That must be what homeschool is all about....:)

The best part of our homeschool work this week :)

Week 11/Yr 2: Schooling your children is like marriage

Choosing the way you school your children is a lot like choosing your partner in life. You look around at all your options, you learn as much as you can about the good - and the bad - of your partner...and even knowing ALL of it, you still decide they are for you.

Our choice of schooling has been like that. At first, we were public-schoolers like we grew up, as were our older daughters. There really wasn't even another choice for us. We didn't any more information - and didn't think we needed any more.

Then our boys' experience in our "blue ribbon" public school turned from one of education to frustration then demoralization. Thank God there were options available for us, that we found them and that our household situation allowed us to use them. Since this is Thanksgiving and the month for thanks, I'll just let you know that I already have that foremost in my heart each day. 

That being said...schooling is like being married. And some days it just sucks. Just awful, royal, total suckage like nothing else. You hate your life, hate your choices, feel overwhelmed and under-rewarded and nothing helps. Well, sometimes a drink. Or a hot bubble bath. Or a good book. Or a Xanax. Or all of the above. 

But sometimes nothing does. 

Then you wake up the next morning and see your life anew, as we do each day. And just like looking at the sleeping face of your spouse the morning after a bad day reminds you how lucky you are to have him/her in your life, seeing homeschooling the day after a bad day reminds you how very lucky you are to have this option.

To see your sons finish a book report...an unthinkable task just last year.

To see your children practice instruments every day - for FUN - that they never touched until this year.

To see handwriting blossom and math concepts improve - or not. And to know that because they are with their mom for school, they will not be overlooked or hurried or belittled because they can't do it ...yet.

To see them master each challenge that they have in their lives..however slowly it may be.

To explore new concepts with your children and learn together. And when you look up at the moon on the way to choir rehearsal (which they don't really want to do anymore but miraculously don't complain about) and ask them what phase of the moon it is, they both say "Gibbous!". And when I ask them if it's waning or waxing, they KNOW! It still amazes me that they are actually LEARNING. From me. With me. 

And, once again, I love our schooling choice.

Week 10/Yr 2: Lost in Translation...

I lost two weeks. To be perfectly honest, I was here, but our homeschool almost wasn't.

Week 7 was a planned week off for "teacher planning". With Furlough Dad in charge and lots of field trip ideas, the boys had an enriching "unschool" week and everyone was fine with that.

Week 8 was a total Sick Out. I was just miserable with a sinus/headcold/fever thing that made life miserable day and night. School was back "In", but I wasn't. I leaned heavily on Time4Learning.com and Brainpop and hot cider and prayed to feel better before we lost too  much ground.

Week 9 was Halloween Week. If you have any child, this is a wasted week at any school with the adrenaline rush and candy-anticipation at full maximum. If you have a child on the autism spectrum...you have this multiplied by ...oh...a zillion? We had a very productive Monday and Tuesday with starting our Lincoln biography, another chapter in Science (one of the few subjects where we are right on schedule),  Time4Learning and Halloween worksheets for math and language arts. However, our week deteriorated rapidly on Wednesday right after YMCA PE class...in direct correlation to the panic my oldest son started to have about not having a costume as "perfect" as the picture in his mind. So - school stopped and became "art class" until Halloween on Thursday night when the curtain rose on the wonderful costume for about an hour...until the rain started. Happily, my Big Guy was perfectly happy to stop short of a huge bag of candy in exchange for keeping his "awesome costume" (his term) intact, so in the end, it landed in the Win column of Halloweens. And Friday was post-adrenaline crash. Until mid-afternoon. This was when I realized we had family coming to stay for a weekend visit in SIX HOURS and the house was in shambles, so it became Crisis Cleaning Day. I guess I can count that as a Life Lessons class, but I was too tired to bother.

So - Week 10 started today and after a wonderful weekend with my sister-in-law here, I'm totally wiped out. Introvert Classic that I am, spending that much time entertaining ANYONE totally drains my battery, so today was just putting one foot in front of the other during school time. The boys did manage to finish all their work and we covered all our subjects, so in one way it was a success. But after weeks of sickness, holiday crazies and running around, I just don't have an ounce of energy to give to school. And I wonder how long I can do this. How many more years can I do this? Even for a healthy younger mom, this would be a challenge and it is days like this that I'm not sure I can do it.

But I do. I'll give myself until next summer to decide about next year. And I'll do that each year until I can't anymore. Because even this morning, I woke up from another nightmare about one of my boys being somewhere where I couldn't see them or get to them or help them...the way I felt when my boys were drowning in their old school and all my efforts didn't work. So, until I feel safe I can't let them go...even if it is harder than I ever thought it would be. 

I may be lost, but at least I know I'm not traveling in the wrong direction...:)

Week 8/Yr 2: Homeschooling is panic alternating with peace

Every so often, I start the "Homeschooling Mom Panic" phase. This usually happens when I'm lesson planning, like I did during my teacher "break" last week. I look at all the curriculum I am using, try to figure out how to get all the necessary content done by the end of the school year PLUS mix in all the field trips and extras that make homeschooling fun. Finally, I try to make sure we are covering all the materials that are included in "common core" so they will be able to transition back into public school when - or if - it becomes time.

I get performance anxiety because I feel so underqualified. Then, I get hit by another health problem - this time a terrible head cold - and I'm not able to "teach". And panic sets in. How can I teach my children when I can't even open my eyes for more than 10 minutes or read a book to them? And since I have chronic health conditions, I know this will happen regularly for the rest of my life - and the rest of their schooling.

I do have a small place of calm deep inside because I know things would be harder if they were in public school. I could NEVER get them dressed and ready for school on time in my condition AND I could never handle the absurd homework/project/extracurricular work they would bring home either. So - I know this is better and I move to thinking how I can do it.

Most importantly, I know my boys know how to do their work independently by now. I didn't have the energy to stock the workboxes, so I started with the basic Three R's on the white board, then I added instrument practice, glider exercise time and ended with a great Science Inventions kit I had stored for a rainy day. 

For Math, they do their regular Teaching Textbooks on CD, which they love. Boom, one R is done. 

For Language Arts, I am REALLY starting to love the Time 4 Learning website program for Language Arts. They do lessons in Language Arts (today was synonyms for Ben and pronoun nominatives for Danny) and Language Arts Extension (reading comprehension) with great videos and they seem very comprehensive. For the long reading comprehension paragraphs, I even found a wonderful FREE download for web and document audio reading called Natural Reader which will translate any text into audio so Ben can hear the paragraphs while he reads along, since he isn't 100% proficient on reading comprension yet. Second R down.

For reading, Mom can't read today, so we won't be beginning our new Newbery Honor book about a boy during the Civil War called Across Five Aprils, but we have time to start that tomorrow. I checked to see if there was an audio version at the library, but no luck :( However, the boys need to finish their self-reader, By The Great Horn Spoon, about a boy and his butler (!) during the Gold Rush, so they'll be reading to each other today while I listen. Last R completed and we could stop here and I'd still feel good, because the Reading portion also fulfills our History and Geography lessons as well (thank you, Sonlight!).

But...I did add instrument practice and glider exercise time, because we need to get used to doing those daily. And for future reference, please remind me NOT to practice my flute with the boys when I have a head cold!! Ouch in the ears...seriously...

Well, gotta go get another hot drink of something for the throat and a little something to eat, but I just wanted to stop by and note briefly that even sick in bed, homeschooling rocks. *sniff* *sniff* *gurgle* :)

Week 7/Yr 2: Blink And You'll Miss It...

How can it possibly by Week 7 already?!? Where has the year gone? Really?! I do think it is a good thing that I haven't felt the need to stop and document every week of our second year, because it means I have  more of a "feel" for things this year and it's becoming more organic for me to do. 

Even though this is technically Week 7 of our second year, it is really a "planning week" for Mom (me). Daddy was out of work during the government shutdown for 16 days, so this week, he wrangled the boys to field trips while I did alot of lesson planning. Actually, we also did do some "catch-up" things like completing assembly of our solar system mobile, finishing a Sonlight novel called "The Candymaker" that we started over the summer and were reading for fun, finishing a Math quiz and having Homeschool Band with Encore Academy today. This band is great - after watching the boys the first week (and seeing another mom learning the flute), I decided to join the fun and re-start learning the flute again after quitting in the fourth grade - and we are all having a blast!

I can't figure out why it takes almost a week to plan every six week cycle, but it does! I think this is the only way that public school teachers have it easier than homeschool moms...they usually have to figure out lessons plans for one age of child each year. And many years, they repeat the lessons from the previous year! Each year, I have to advance each child a grade AND create a new lesson plan for both of them. Yes, some of the materials for my older son I can repeat for my younger, but for our history, we are using the Sonlight curriculum, so it's the same for both and advances each year. Yes, thank God for Sonlight curriculum! However...I do have to modify it for my boys abilities and speed. Some things we have to skip and some we have to supplement. 

This year, I took this time to review how the first six weeks had gone. Before school started, I had planned a six week "goal sheet" to help me figure out where I hoped to be by the end of this stretch, basically to make sure I don't get too far behind and have to cram everything in at the end of the year like I did last year! So far, we aren't too bad. I found out that we really are only doing full days four days a week, and doing catch-up and field trip adventures on Friday, so I have to adjust my next six weeks for four "real" days of work a week. 

I have managed to work art, PE and music into their schedules pretty well, but haven't found a way to work our Spanish and Programming lessons into the week as well. I know they aren't necessary, but they are the fun stuff, so I'll just have to figure out time!

We completed our first section of the second year of American History and are finishing with the Gold Rush this week. Coincidentally, the Discovery Channel is airing a new, fantastic series on Gold Fever each week and we are loving it! It shows places and events from our Sonlight novel "By the Great Horn Spoon!" and really helps when they can see the landscape of places we have read about all fall.

Our next six weeks is pure Civil War history. I'm feeling overwhelmed. It's a huge amount of very important material to cover and I want to do it justice. We have so many great places nearby to visit while we study this - we even were in Gettysburg last week for a relative's wedding! Unfortunately, I was a late bloomer American History buff, so I'm learning alot about this part with the boys, but I want to make sure I do it right. I know we can always revisit it later, but I know this is a special time with my guys and I just want to be there when they see it the first time :)

Well, I think that catches me up for now. I'm sitting on my bed surrounded by texts, curricula and spreadsheets and it's after 9pm, so I think it's time to hit the hay. One more day of "planning week", then we are off at full speed again on Monday. You may not hear from my again until after the holidays, the way things are going. Wish me luck!

Week 4/Year 2: Why am I still organizing the school room?!?!

It's 9pm on the first Monday of our fourth week of school...and I just tonight got my classroom finally setup in workable condition. Seriously wondering how the heck this happened.

It's not like I didn't try to be ready for the beginning of school...but really, I wasn't able to. Maybe it was the total and complete burn out at the end of our last school that lasted until...about last Friday. Maybe it was the fact that my final homeschool review wasn't until three weeks after our summer vacation started and once I had everything so nice and neatly arranged for the meeting, I didn't want to tear it apart to store our work and take out what I needed for this year. Possibly, it was the fact that I had forgotten how much work it took to organize last year...or maybe I DID remember and just didn't want to do it again.

Whatever the reason, I am glad the paralysis is starting to lift. I've felt totally unprepared to start this year - and since I was SO ready last year when I had absolutely no experience, I have been confused about the whole situation. I am praying this part is over!

This year, I was lucky that I was able to hang onto our Sonlight Curriculum for our history and reading, Sequential Spelling, Teaching Textbooks for math and for now, Classic Science Earth Science from Mr. Q.

And I've added some things this year since I feel we've got some experience this year. I'm still a little unsure about complete grammar studies...but the boys are so mismatched on this, I'm pretty sure it's going to be different for both of them. Up til now, I've been using grammar worksheets to brush up on parts of speech, but soon I'll have Ben back on Essentials of Writing...and Danny....well, for now it's Time4Learning until I think about what's best for him. Nothing has really clicked for him  yet. I'm also adding Wordly Wise 3000 to beef up their vocabulary, although I have to admit just reading the Sonlight books with the boys has expanded their vocabulary by leaps and bounds anyway! Oh..any every new word seems to be similar to something in Minecraft or Portal 2 anyway, per my sons...LOL

Science is still Classic Science because the boys love it. I know it's corny, but the boys love the funny language, the cartoons and the activities for each chapter. I know the content is sound, so I know I can just beef it up with more content for Danny. So I'm added Time4Learning Science for him as well, hoping that will fill in the blanks.

Luckily, the electives seem to be covered. Although the PE class at the Y was cancelled after just one week, they are both in SAC soccer so they're getting plenty of exercise (and socialization, too...lol). Also, with the SkyZone trampoline center opening, we have someplace to go when it rains, too :) 

For music, we are going to make the trek to Westminster every Thursday so the boys can join the Encore Academy band for beginning homeschoolers. Danny is playing our good old clarinet (kid number three on this old Bundy!) and Ben will switch this year and try trumpet (like my dad).  It will be cool to have them play together - and they will have concerts like the PS kids - yea!

Art is currently working on the Create Your Own Masterpiece book, written by the National Gallery of Art in DC. My hope is to turn this into a field trip to the Gallery downtown...I haven't seen it for years and have a suspicion Ben (and maybe Danny) would love it. 

But this year is tricky. In only my second year, I have to switch to a separate instruction for the boys for some subjects because now Dan is in middle school and I really have to up the game for him since the game plan at this point is to get him back into public/private school for high school. I'm feel much more pressure this year because I realize this is no longer just a short term measure to repair the education damage that happened in their local school, but needs to be a really solid and competitive program that will keep them right on track and ready for their return high school.

Now, just to get Danny to write complete sentences...and pray he can learn to write cohesive paragraphs. Oy.

Homeschool re-examined: The Long Haul vs the Short Game

First, you must know I had never created a lesson plan before in my life. Ever. 

Beyond playing house as a child (which, since I was the oldest, consisted of me just ordering my little siblings around), I had never - ever - considered being a teacher. A trainer, yes. In my professional careers as computer programmer, project manager and Avon sales representation/manager, I've taught training course for years, but that was different. So different.

Today I sit down to plan my first six weeks of classes this year. We will start in three weeks and even I can't procrastinate anymore. Anxiety attacks are already starting, so I hope that getting things down in black and white will make things better in my brain.

I've had a full summer - two months so far - to relax and let last school year rattle around in my shell-shocked brain and settle into some kind of normalcy. And it actually did, to my relief and surprise. My biggest realization came last week when the question came up to Ben again about what grade he might want to go back to public school and his answer was...."never". 

Hmmmm....so it seems that instead of an emergency stopgap measure to help Danny with his learning issues, I've created a new reality for the whole family. We may be a serious homeschool family right up until high school - or beyond.

I never really considered this when I started. I figured I was just a band-aid on my boys' education until I could fix their damaged learning and send them back to public (or private) school at some future day. I didn't think this would be permanent. However, I may have created a monster - or a unicorn, depending on your definition of a brand new creature that never before existed - the Varga Homeschool Family.

I'm sure I'm not perfectly suited for this. However, I want the best for my boys and I want them to learn and love learning as much as I do. I want them to feel free to learn and study the way THEY do best, without condemnation about their uniqueness. I've seen immense changes in my boys since they've stopped attaching inadequacy and anxiety with learning and I can only hope that continues.  Just one example - Ben has NEVER wanted to go to school and started preschool and kindergarten with MUCH trepidation and never really got relaxed in a school setting. He was a great student, but very anxious all day in school. In second grade, he started and loved karate class, but quit after his first belt test after having a huge anxiety attack in front of the class. He just refused to set foot in the dojo again. Until this year. After being as relaxed as possible (I mean, how tense can you be bouncing around all day in your underwear?...), he asked to start karate again and I think he'll really do great this time. He's grounded in the love and support of his mom and family every day and that's what will help him fly and succeed.

Okay, I get it. We're in this for the long haul - and that's an amazing thing. 

But could someone else write these lesson plans for me??....:)