Week 8/Yr 2: Homeschooling is panic alternating with peace

Every so often, I start the "Homeschooling Mom Panic" phase. This usually happens when I'm lesson planning, like I did during my teacher "break" last week. I look at all the curriculum I am using, try to figure out how to get all the necessary content done by the end of the school year PLUS mix in all the field trips and extras that make homeschooling fun. Finally, I try to make sure we are covering all the materials that are included in "common core" so they will be able to transition back into public school when - or if - it becomes time.

I get performance anxiety because I feel so underqualified. Then, I get hit by another health problem - this time a terrible head cold - and I'm not able to "teach". And panic sets in. How can I teach my children when I can't even open my eyes for more than 10 minutes or read a book to them? And since I have chronic health conditions, I know this will happen regularly for the rest of my life - and the rest of their schooling.

I do have a small place of calm deep inside because I know things would be harder if they were in public school. I could NEVER get them dressed and ready for school on time in my condition AND I could never handle the absurd homework/project/extracurricular work they would bring home either. So - I know this is better and I move to thinking how I can do it.

Most importantly, I know my boys know how to do their work independently by now. I didn't have the energy to stock the workboxes, so I started with the basic Three R's on the white board, then I added instrument practice, glider exercise time and ended with a great Science Inventions kit I had stored for a rainy day. 

For Math, they do their regular Teaching Textbooks on CD, which they love. Boom, one R is done. 

For Language Arts, I am REALLY starting to love the Time 4 Learning website program for Language Arts. They do lessons in Language Arts (today was synonyms for Ben and pronoun nominatives for Danny) and Language Arts Extension (reading comprehension) with great videos and they seem very comprehensive. For the long reading comprehension paragraphs, I even found a wonderful FREE download for web and document audio reading called Natural Reader which will translate any text into audio so Ben can hear the paragraphs while he reads along, since he isn't 100% proficient on reading comprension yet. Second R down.

For reading, Mom can't read today, so we won't be beginning our new Newbery Honor book about a boy during the Civil War called Across Five Aprils, but we have time to start that tomorrow. I checked to see if there was an audio version at the library, but no luck :( However, the boys need to finish their self-reader, By The Great Horn Spoon, about a boy and his butler (!) during the Gold Rush, so they'll be reading to each other today while I listen. Last R completed and we could stop here and I'd still feel good, because the Reading portion also fulfills our History and Geography lessons as well (thank you, Sonlight!).

But...I did add instrument practice and glider exercise time, because we need to get used to doing those daily. And for future reference, please remind me NOT to practice my flute with the boys when I have a head cold!! Ouch in the ears...seriously...

Well, gotta go get another hot drink of something for the throat and a little something to eat, but I just wanted to stop by and note briefly that even sick in bed, homeschooling rocks. *sniff* *sniff* *gurgle* :)

Week 7/Yr 2: Blink And You'll Miss It...

How can it possibly by Week 7 already?!? Where has the year gone? Really?! I do think it is a good thing that I haven't felt the need to stop and document every week of our second year, because it means I have  more of a "feel" for things this year and it's becoming more organic for me to do. 

Even though this is technically Week 7 of our second year, it is really a "planning week" for Mom (me). Daddy was out of work during the government shutdown for 16 days, so this week, he wrangled the boys to field trips while I did alot of lesson planning. Actually, we also did do some "catch-up" things like completing assembly of our solar system mobile, finishing a Sonlight novel called "The Candymaker" that we started over the summer and were reading for fun, finishing a Math quiz and having Homeschool Band with Encore Academy today. This band is great - after watching the boys the first week (and seeing another mom learning the flute), I decided to join the fun and re-start learning the flute again after quitting in the fourth grade - and we are all having a blast!

I can't figure out why it takes almost a week to plan every six week cycle, but it does! I think this is the only way that public school teachers have it easier than homeschool moms...they usually have to figure out lessons plans for one age of child each year. And many years, they repeat the lessons from the previous year! Each year, I have to advance each child a grade AND create a new lesson plan for both of them. Yes, some of the materials for my older son I can repeat for my younger, but for our history, we are using the Sonlight curriculum, so it's the same for both and advances each year. Yes, thank God for Sonlight curriculum! However...I do have to modify it for my boys abilities and speed. Some things we have to skip and some we have to supplement. 

This year, I took this time to review how the first six weeks had gone. Before school started, I had planned a six week "goal sheet" to help me figure out where I hoped to be by the end of this stretch, basically to make sure I don't get too far behind and have to cram everything in at the end of the year like I did last year! So far, we aren't too bad. I found out that we really are only doing full days four days a week, and doing catch-up and field trip adventures on Friday, so I have to adjust my next six weeks for four "real" days of work a week. 

I have managed to work art, PE and music into their schedules pretty well, but haven't found a way to work our Spanish and Programming lessons into the week as well. I know they aren't necessary, but they are the fun stuff, so I'll just have to figure out time!

We completed our first section of the second year of American History and are finishing with the Gold Rush this week. Coincidentally, the Discovery Channel is airing a new, fantastic series on Gold Fever each week and we are loving it! It shows places and events from our Sonlight novel "By the Great Horn Spoon!" and really helps when they can see the landscape of places we have read about all fall.

Our next six weeks is pure Civil War history. I'm feeling overwhelmed. It's a huge amount of very important material to cover and I want to do it justice. We have so many great places nearby to visit while we study this - we even were in Gettysburg last week for a relative's wedding! Unfortunately, I was a late bloomer American History buff, so I'm learning alot about this part with the boys, but I want to make sure I do it right. I know we can always revisit it later, but I know this is a special time with my guys and I just want to be there when they see it the first time :)

Well, I think that catches me up for now. I'm sitting on my bed surrounded by texts, curricula and spreadsheets and it's after 9pm, so I think it's time to hit the hay. One more day of "planning week", then we are off at full speed again on Monday. You may not hear from my again until after the holidays, the way things are going. Wish me luck!

Week 4/Year 2: Why am I still organizing the school room?!?!

It's 9pm on the first Monday of our fourth week of school...and I just tonight got my classroom finally setup in workable condition. Seriously wondering how the heck this happened.

It's not like I didn't try to be ready for the beginning of school...but really, I wasn't able to. Maybe it was the total and complete burn out at the end of our last school that lasted until...about last Friday. Maybe it was the fact that my final homeschool review wasn't until three weeks after our summer vacation started and once I had everything so nice and neatly arranged for the meeting, I didn't want to tear it apart to store our work and take out what I needed for this year. Possibly, it was the fact that I had forgotten how much work it took to organize last year...or maybe I DID remember and just didn't want to do it again.

Whatever the reason, I am glad the paralysis is starting to lift. I've felt totally unprepared to start this year - and since I was SO ready last year when I had absolutely no experience, I have been confused about the whole situation. I am praying this part is over!

This year, I was lucky that I was able to hang onto our Sonlight Curriculum for our history and reading, Sequential Spelling, Teaching Textbooks for math and for now, Classic Science Earth Science from Mr. Q.

And I've added some things this year since I feel we've got some experience this year. I'm still a little unsure about complete grammar studies...but the boys are so mismatched on this, I'm pretty sure it's going to be different for both of them. Up til now, I've been using grammar worksheets to brush up on parts of speech, but soon I'll have Ben back on Essentials of Writing...and Danny....well, for now it's Time4Learning until I think about what's best for him. Nothing has really clicked for him  yet. I'm also adding Wordly Wise 3000 to beef up their vocabulary, although I have to admit just reading the Sonlight books with the boys has expanded their vocabulary by leaps and bounds anyway! Oh..any every new word seems to be similar to something in Minecraft or Portal 2 anyway, per my sons...LOL

Science is still Classic Science because the boys love it. I know it's corny, but the boys love the funny language, the cartoons and the activities for each chapter. I know the content is sound, so I know I can just beef it up with more content for Danny. So I'm added Time4Learning Science for him as well, hoping that will fill in the blanks.

Luckily, the electives seem to be covered. Although the PE class at the Y was cancelled after just one week, they are both in SAC soccer so they're getting plenty of exercise (and socialization, too...lol). Also, with the SkyZone trampoline center opening, we have someplace to go when it rains, too :) 

For music, we are going to make the trek to Westminster every Thursday so the boys can join the Encore Academy band for beginning homeschoolers. Danny is playing our good old clarinet (kid number three on this old Bundy!) and Ben will switch this year and try trumpet (like my dad).  It will be cool to have them play together - and they will have concerts like the PS kids - yea!

Art is currently working on the Create Your Own Masterpiece book, written by the National Gallery of Art in DC. My hope is to turn this into a field trip to the Gallery downtown...I haven't seen it for years and have a suspicion Ben (and maybe Danny) would love it. 

But this year is tricky. In only my second year, I have to switch to a separate instruction for the boys for some subjects because now Dan is in middle school and I really have to up the game for him since the game plan at this point is to get him back into public/private school for high school. I'm feel much more pressure this year because I realize this is no longer just a short term measure to repair the education damage that happened in their local school, but needs to be a really solid and competitive program that will keep them right on track and ready for their return high school.

Now, just to get Danny to write complete sentences...and pray he can learn to write cohesive paragraphs. Oy.

Homeschool re-examined: The Long Haul vs the Short Game

First, you must know I had never created a lesson plan before in my life. Ever. 

Beyond playing house as a child (which, since I was the oldest, consisted of me just ordering my little siblings around), I had never - ever - considered being a teacher. A trainer, yes. In my professional careers as computer programmer, project manager and Avon sales representation/manager, I've taught training course for years, but that was different. So different.

Today I sit down to plan my first six weeks of classes this year. We will start in three weeks and even I can't procrastinate anymore. Anxiety attacks are already starting, so I hope that getting things down in black and white will make things better in my brain.

I've had a full summer - two months so far - to relax and let last school year rattle around in my shell-shocked brain and settle into some kind of normalcy. And it actually did, to my relief and surprise. My biggest realization came last week when the question came up to Ben again about what grade he might want to go back to public school and his answer was...."never". 

Hmmmm....so it seems that instead of an emergency stopgap measure to help Danny with his learning issues, I've created a new reality for the whole family. We may be a serious homeschool family right up until high school - or beyond.

I never really considered this when I started. I figured I was just a band-aid on my boys' education until I could fix their damaged learning and send them back to public (or private) school at some future day. I didn't think this would be permanent. However, I may have created a monster - or a unicorn, depending on your definition of a brand new creature that never before existed - the Varga Homeschool Family.

I'm sure I'm not perfectly suited for this. However, I want the best for my boys and I want them to learn and love learning as much as I do. I want them to feel free to learn and study the way THEY do best, without condemnation about their uniqueness. I've seen immense changes in my boys since they've stopped attaching inadequacy and anxiety with learning and I can only hope that continues.  Just one example - Ben has NEVER wanted to go to school and started preschool and kindergarten with MUCH trepidation and never really got relaxed in a school setting. He was a great student, but very anxious all day in school. In second grade, he started and loved karate class, but quit after his first belt test after having a huge anxiety attack in front of the class. He just refused to set foot in the dojo again. Until this year. After being as relaxed as possible (I mean, how tense can you be bouncing around all day in your underwear?...), he asked to start karate again and I think he'll really do great this time. He's grounded in the love and support of his mom and family every day and that's what will help him fly and succeed.

Okay, I get it. We're in this for the long haul - and that's an amazing thing. 

But could someone else write these lesson plans for me??....:)

Summer Break 2013...because I was definitely broken...

Whew...I haven't posted since May?! I have to admit, I seriously checked out this summer. I had such a serious case of burnout from homeschooling my first year that I shut down our school, headed out to our timeshare the next morning and never looked back (except to travel up to our umbrella school in Rising Sun and show them our amazing work).

Until yesterday. 

Two thirds of the way through our vacation, it's time. I looked at the calendar last week to surprisingly discover it was already August and realized it's time to put next year together. Since I had already planned to use June to decompress and do some painting around the house and July for Spring cleaning and a nice long vacation with hubby while the boys vacationed with their godmothers, I am right on track. I had hopes of painting more, including the homeschool room (which was our dining room in a previous incarnation), but I need to lay those hopes aside unless a miracle happens in homeschool planning for next year :)

Since recovering, I now realize how seriously we all were burned out from our first attempt at homeschooling, so I'm making some modifications this year...one of the many benefits of homeschooling - we can modify anything that doesn't work! Some changes we'll be making this year:

1) We're going to try a modified Workbox System for work assignments with the boys each day. The Workbox system was originally developed by Sue Patrick and can be started with younger children, but really works with any age group. In a nutshell, each child starts the day with his work in "workboxes" and as he finishes his work, he moves the completed work to his "finished" area and stacks the empty workboxes aside. Since each student can move at his own pace and it is extremely visual, it works well for my visual learning boys. Each drawer is marked with what is being worked on and as long as it is done in the assigned order, each student can plan his day as he likes. The key is to put small treats and breaks along the way at unexpected intervals so they get rewards throughout the day. Very Pavlovian :) I'm looking forward to moving from being a public school-like "teacher" to a "facilitator" for most of their classes.

2) Changing the attitude of the classroom this year from "I'm teaching" to "you're discovering". I'm planning on teaching the boys how to find their own answers this year through search engines online, reference books and other methods. I want to teach them to learn, not just spit out information. Of course, we still have to drill the basics because they are still weak in that area from public school. But I am so proud that we ended last year with both boys knowing all their multiplication tables, holding their pencils correctly without any pencil grips and writing in much-improved handwriting. So that part is definitely staying!

3) I'm going to continue to try to instill a love of reading in them. This is a tough one. They are both reluctant readers and even though they CAN read, they don't CHOOSE to read. I gave them a complete break from reading at the beginning of the summer, but by last week I was really missing reading to them, so I pulled a fun book from our Sonlight curriculum that we didn't have time for last year (The Candymakers by Wendy Mass) and starting using it for bedtime reading. A book about a 12 year old boy who lives in a candy factory? Danny is enthralled and I am tickled. :) Ben is still wary...he is so bright with an amazing vocabulary, but something hasn't "clicked" in his reading enjoyment yet. He can't seem to read for enjoyment...somehow the content doesn't move into his brain very easily. He is content to listen to me read for now - and interrupts me to define words he doesn't know - but I haven't gotten the feeling yet that he can process all the story internally yet, so I'll keep reading to him and hope it "clicks" one day.

4) Make sure they move more and sit less. I was a nervous homeschool mom last year. I was terrified that they wouldn't get the subject content they needed and I would fail them. I am losing that fear a little this year, so I want to make sure they get as much "body knowledge" as they do "subject knowledge". This is one that I'm sure that moms who homeschool from the beginning do much better than those of us who are used to the public school model. Yes, we're still going to have desks they can use for common subjects, but I want to get us outside of the house and outside in the world more this year. If I can. I have been blessed that my personal health is doing so well these days (aside from putting on 10 pounds since beginning my homeschooling journey), so I'm hoping we can do more outside this year. Both boys are already enrolled in SAC soccer for the first time (serious nerves about Danny's "fitting in", but gotta tough it out since he's getting to be a big boy now) and they'll be enrolled again in the YMCA PE program they enjoyed so much last year. The Y program even finally got Ben swimming independently, which made me so happy and this summer at the pool MUCH more enjoyable. One serious bonus of pulling Ben out of  public school last year is that his anxiety level seems to have dropped steadily and that has led him to want to re-enroll in Karate this year. I am SO thrilled! He enrolled in our neighborhood dojo in the first grade and was amazing. His sensei said he was definitely gifted and would be one of his best students...until Ben had to take his first belt test in front of the whole school. He had a huge anxiety attack and even though he finished his test (under firm pressure from his dad and teacher) and got his yellow belt...he was traumatized and refused to ever go back. Out of the blue this summer, he said he is ready to try again. Win!

For now, these are enough goals for me to plan and start our next school year.The schoolroom got a straightening yesterday and this week I'll be moving more shelves in and rearranging the furniture to see if we can find a "better" way to work. We still have a few weeks to go before we do hardcore curriculum, because we'll be taking our ocean vacation the week the public school students start and driving 500 miles to see my dad for his 75th birthday during our first week of school. The boys don't realize that during their first week of school, we'll be doing "video carschooling" on the van DVD player!

I need to get used to this rhythm and relax and enjoy, because Ben just told me this week that he may never want to go back to public school. I hear ya, son. This is too much fun. :)

Week 36: The end of the beginning

So, today is my "official" last day of teaching homeschool our first year. Technically, our last school day is tomorrow, but I hope that is just a party day and all our work is finished, since we only have to finish our book summaries today. It's so strange - on Tuesday of this week, I was elated. I was almost finished! I felt like a marathon runner who is within steps of the ribbon and I knew I was going to make it! Amazing! Incredible! 

So, on my last day of "educating", what am I doing? Planning next year's curriculum. How am I feeling? A little stressed, a little worried, very focused. Searching for books online. Thinking of how I am going to do "better" next year about the items we didn't really do well this year - or totally missed in a lot of ways. Yikes. Is this how athletes feel minutes after finishing a monumental race or game? You celebrate one minute and in the next minute, your focus is on the next challenge and what you can do better next time?

Don't get me wrong - we did amazing this year! After our week of vacation next week, I will begin to sit down and sort through the second half of our work this year and prepare my year-end evaluation report for my umbrella school. I'll look at what worked and what didn't. What we achieved (finishing spelling, science and history!) and what we didn't (only 75% of math and we totally lost grammar along the way somewhere this spring...). Trying to keep what we discovered from the good lessons (Danny needs both a DVD and workbook option for most subjects to keep him interested and Ben needs one-on-one for all his Language Arts) and find the answers to the hard lessons (I have an elementary and middle schooler next year and need to use two different approaches - yikes). 

I have a lot more to learn-and now homeschooling becomes more the marathon than the sprint. This year, homeschool was a last-minute essential that I just HAD to figure out, for the good of my boys and my family. Now, I realize I need to play the long game and figure out MY strategy for the years to come. I thought I would run away from school the last day of teaching this year and not think about it again until I had to in August. But I'm already trying to plan and get ready for next year - ACK! 

Part of this is because almost all the homeschoolers I've met and loved have been "organizational junkies". We love to plan. We love drawers and shelves and dividers and notebooks. Our eyes light up in office and teacher supply stores - what new markers can we buy today?!?! We love to fill up our adorable planners and Excel spreadsheets with new and amazing plans of all the fun things we'll teach our children next time. The planning is so much fun - the follow-through always feels harder, doesn't it? :) But every revision is better, every new learning makes our homeschool run smoother and service our children even better, so I know it's a good addiction to have!

So here's to the END of our FIRST and SUCCESSFUL Varga Homeschool year!! Yea!!

...and here's to the continuing saga of taking care of our children's education in the best way we can for them and their specialness.

Have a wonderful summer!!!!

Caution: This is an Autism Moment

Reader warning: This entry is about my daily struggle being an Austism Mommy for my glorious son, Danny. If that doesn't interest you as much as my homeschool news, then this post is not for you :)

For those of you who don't know, my oldest son was diagnosed last year on the Autism Spectrum. Because he has social quirks and learning deficits all over the spectrum in an odd combination, his diagnosis is technically PDD/NOS - Pervasive Developmental Delay/Not Otherwise Specified. Not to go off on a tangent, but the DSM, the diagnostic "bible" of the psychiatric/psychological set got a makeover this year and the newest version, the DSM-V  deletes this diagnosis and simply puts all Autism/Aspergers/PDD-NOS/Retts patients under the ASD (Austism Spectrum Disorder) diagnosis.

This means my son's diagnosis will (technically) disappear. Looking at the new specifications of the DSM-V, Danny will no longer meet the qualifications for autism. In fact, he will not meet ANY of the criteria of ANY official disorders. He will simply be "quirky", with no hope of getting any services....as if he was getting any now, which he isn't. :(

Believe it or not, that's actually not the cause of my rant today. Today, I'm having AMF...Autism Mommy Fatigue. 

Most of the time, I can work with our daily schedule around our sons and our differences and quirky behaviors don't even show. We have done so well adjusting our lives around the needs of our sons that we don't even know we are doing it any more! I did have one of the psychologists that evaluated Danny note that we had adjusted our family to fit his needs...and I don't think she meant that as a compliment. But honestly, what options did we have? 

When your son can't sit still long enough for you to receive your meal, much less finish eating it, you don't go to restaurants as a family.

When your 10-year-old son can't understand why it's not okay to yell at a 3-year-old boy who accidentally pushed you, you don't go to the playground when other children are there.

When your son has NEVER been able to tolerate anyone touching/brushing/cutting their hair, you don't take him to the barber anymore - you learn to cut hair yourself and do it every six weeks for years and years....

...and when you are cutting his hair and realize that his extreme scalp sensitivity has led to a horrible case of I-dont-even-know-if-I-can-call-this-dandruff-it-is-so-horrible - then you give another lesson in personal hygiene and find yourself washing your little boy's hair again, just like when he was three.

When your son needs the extra understanding and time required to actually LEARN educational material rather than just perform the required sequence of lessons in the required time, then you take him out of that environment - and you stop your own life and teach yourself how to teach and become a Homeschool Midlife Mom.

When your son can't tolerate more than a handful of food tastes, you stop making family meals and are sad - or you make two of them and seethe with resentment.

When your son shakes and cries with fear some nights because he's scared to sleep alone in his room at age 11, you have family campouts in your bedroom with your son in a slumber bag on the floor and lose the last of your privacy.

When you take your son(s) to a group homeschool activity on a beautiful day in a beautiful park and he whines for the entire visit because the toy he brought doesn't work because YOU didn't tell him something and that YOU should have told him to bring another...and then happily frolicks in the creek you are passing as you desperately try to walk to the parking lot and just LEAVE and get home to your quiet cup of coffee at home...

And when enough of these happen on one day...or too many days in a row...then you realize you are Autism Mommy and it is hard. So very, very hard. And you have given your life and soul to someone you love very much, and love to raise  - but would very much like to watch grow, learn, and grow up. Before you lose your mind.

He is growing. He is learning. He is amazing and wonderful. But parts of him are the same as they were ten years ago. And Autism Mommy is tired today.