It's 9pm on the first Monday of our fourth week of school...and I just tonight got my classroom finally setup in workable condition. Seriously wondering how the heck this happened.
It's not like I didn't try to be ready for the beginning of school...but really, I wasn't able to. Maybe it was the total and complete burn out at the end of our last school that lasted until...about last Friday. Maybe it was the fact that my final homeschool review wasn't until three weeks after our summer vacation started and once I had everything so nice and neatly arranged for the meeting, I didn't want to tear it apart to store our work and take out what I needed for this year. Possibly, it was the fact that I had forgotten how much work it took to organize last year...or maybe I DID remember and just didn't want to do it again.
Whatever the reason, I am glad the paralysis is starting to lift. I've felt totally unprepared to start this year - and since I was SO ready last year when I had absolutely no experience, I have been confused about the whole situation. I am praying this part is over!
This year, I was lucky that I was able to hang onto our Sonlight Curriculum for our history and reading, Sequential Spelling, Teaching Textbooks for math and for now, Classic Science Earth Science from Mr. Q.
And I've added some things this year since I feel we've got some experience this year. I'm still a little unsure about complete grammar studies...but the boys are so mismatched on this, I'm pretty sure it's going to be different for both of them. Up til now, I've been using grammar worksheets to brush up on parts of speech, but soon I'll have Ben back on Essentials of Writing...and Danny....well, for now it's Time4Learning until I think about what's best for him. Nothing has really clicked for him yet. I'm also adding Wordly Wise 3000 to beef up their vocabulary, although I have to admit just reading the Sonlight books with the boys has expanded their vocabulary by leaps and bounds anyway! Oh..any every new word seems to be similar to something in Minecraft or Portal 2 anyway, per my sons...LOL
Science is still Classic Science because the boys love it. I know it's corny, but the boys love the funny language, the cartoons and the activities for each chapter. I know the content is sound, so I know I can just beef it up with more content for Danny. So I'm added Time4Learning Science for him as well, hoping that will fill in the blanks.
Luckily, the electives seem to be covered. Although the PE class at the Y was cancelled after just one week, they are both in SAC soccer so they're getting plenty of exercise (and socialization, too...lol). Also, with the SkyZone trampoline center opening, we have someplace to go when it rains, too :)
For music, we are going to make the trek to Westminster every Thursday so the boys can join the Encore Academy band for beginning homeschoolers. Danny is playing our good old clarinet (kid number three on this old Bundy!) and Ben will switch this year and try trumpet (like my dad). It will be cool to have them play together - and they will have concerts like the PS kids - yea!
Art is currently working on the Create Your Own Masterpiece book, written by the National Gallery of Art in DC. My hope is to turn this into a field trip to the Gallery downtown...I haven't seen it for years and have a suspicion Ben (and maybe Danny) would love it.
But this year is tricky. In only my second year, I have to switch to a separate instruction for the boys for some subjects because now Dan is in middle school and I really have to up the game for him since the game plan at this point is to get him back into public/private school for high school. I'm feel much more pressure this year because I realize this is no longer just a short term measure to repair the education damage that happened in their local school, but needs to be a really solid and competitive program that will keep them right on track and ready for their return high school.
Now, just to get Danny to write complete sentences...and pray he can learn to write cohesive paragraphs. Oy.
Monday, September 23, 2013
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Homeschool re-examined: The Long Haul vs the Short Game
First, you must know I had never created a lesson plan before in my life. Ever.
Beyond playing house as a child (which, since I was the oldest, consisted of me just ordering my little siblings around), I had never - ever - considered being a teacher. A trainer, yes. In my professional careers as computer programmer, project manager and Avon sales representation/manager, I've taught training course for years, but that was different. So different.
Today I sit down to plan my first six weeks of classes this year. We will start in three weeks and even I can't procrastinate anymore. Anxiety attacks are already starting, so I hope that getting things down in black and white will make things better in my brain.
I've had a full summer - two months so far - to relax and let last school year rattle around in my shell-shocked brain and settle into some kind of normalcy. And it actually did, to my relief and surprise. My biggest realization came last week when the question came up to Ben again about what grade he might want to go back to public school and his answer was...."never".
Hmmmm....so it seems that instead of an emergency stopgap measure to help Danny with his learning issues, I've created a new reality for the whole family. We may be a serious homeschool family right up until high school - or beyond.
I never really considered this when I started. I figured I was just a band-aid on my boys' education until I could fix their damaged learning and send them back to public (or private) school at some future day. I didn't think this would be permanent. However, I may have created a monster - or a unicorn, depending on your definition of a brand new creature that never before existed - the Varga Homeschool Family.
I'm sure I'm not perfectly suited for this. However, I want the best for my boys and I want them to learn and love learning as much as I do. I want them to feel free to learn and study the way THEY do best, without condemnation about their uniqueness. I've seen immense changes in my boys since they've stopped attaching inadequacy and anxiety with learning and I can only hope that continues. Just one example - Ben has NEVER wanted to go to school and started preschool and kindergarten with MUCH trepidation and never really got relaxed in a school setting. He was a great student, but very anxious all day in school. In second grade, he started and loved karate class, but quit after his first belt test after having a huge anxiety attack in front of the class. He just refused to set foot in the dojo again. Until this year. After being as relaxed as possible (I mean, how tense can you be bouncing around all day in your underwear?...), he asked to start karate again and I think he'll really do great this time. He's grounded in the love and support of his mom and family every day and that's what will help him fly and succeed.
Okay, I get it. We're in this for the long haul - and that's an amazing thing.
But could someone else write these lesson plans for me??....:)
Beyond playing house as a child (which, since I was the oldest, consisted of me just ordering my little siblings around), I had never - ever - considered being a teacher. A trainer, yes. In my professional careers as computer programmer, project manager and Avon sales representation/manager, I've taught training course for years, but that was different. So different.
Today I sit down to plan my first six weeks of classes this year. We will start in three weeks and even I can't procrastinate anymore. Anxiety attacks are already starting, so I hope that getting things down in black and white will make things better in my brain.
I've had a full summer - two months so far - to relax and let last school year rattle around in my shell-shocked brain and settle into some kind of normalcy. And it actually did, to my relief and surprise. My biggest realization came last week when the question came up to Ben again about what grade he might want to go back to public school and his answer was...."never".
Hmmmm....so it seems that instead of an emergency stopgap measure to help Danny with his learning issues, I've created a new reality for the whole family. We may be a serious homeschool family right up until high school - or beyond.
I never really considered this when I started. I figured I was just a band-aid on my boys' education until I could fix their damaged learning and send them back to public (or private) school at some future day. I didn't think this would be permanent. However, I may have created a monster - or a unicorn, depending on your definition of a brand new creature that never before existed - the Varga Homeschool Family.
I'm sure I'm not perfectly suited for this. However, I want the best for my boys and I want them to learn and love learning as much as I do. I want them to feel free to learn and study the way THEY do best, without condemnation about their uniqueness. I've seen immense changes in my boys since they've stopped attaching inadequacy and anxiety with learning and I can only hope that continues. Just one example - Ben has NEVER wanted to go to school and started preschool and kindergarten with MUCH trepidation and never really got relaxed in a school setting. He was a great student, but very anxious all day in school. In second grade, he started and loved karate class, but quit after his first belt test after having a huge anxiety attack in front of the class. He just refused to set foot in the dojo again. Until this year. After being as relaxed as possible (I mean, how tense can you be bouncing around all day in your underwear?...), he asked to start karate again and I think he'll really do great this time. He's grounded in the love and support of his mom and family every day and that's what will help him fly and succeed.
Okay, I get it. We're in this for the long haul - and that's an amazing thing.
But could someone else write these lesson plans for me??....:)
Monday, August 5, 2013
Summer Break 2013...because I was definitely broken...
Whew...I haven't posted since May?! I have to admit, I seriously checked out this summer. I had such a serious case of burnout from homeschooling my first year that I shut down our school, headed out to our timeshare the next morning and never looked back (except to travel up to our umbrella school in Rising Sun and show them our amazing work).
Until yesterday.
Two thirds of the way through our vacation, it's time. I looked at the calendar last week to surprisingly discover it was already August and realized it's time to put next year together. Since I had already planned to use June to decompress and do some painting around the house and July for Spring cleaning and a nice long vacation with hubby while the boys vacationed with their godmothers, I am right on track. I had hopes of painting more, including the homeschool room (which was our dining room in a previous incarnation), but I need to lay those hopes aside unless a miracle happens in homeschool planning for next year :)
Since recovering, I now realize how seriously we all were burned out from our first attempt at homeschooling, so I'm making some modifications this year...one of the many benefits of homeschooling - we can modify anything that doesn't work! Some changes we'll be making this year:
1) We're going to try a modified Workbox System for work assignments with the boys each day. The Workbox system was originally developed by Sue Patrick and can be started with younger children, but really works with any age group. In a nutshell, each child starts the day with his work in "workboxes" and as he finishes his work, he moves the completed work to his "finished" area and stacks the empty workboxes aside. Since each student can move at his own pace and it is extremely visual, it works well for my visual learning boys. Each drawer is marked with what is being worked on and as long as it is done in the assigned order, each student can plan his day as he likes. The key is to put small treats and breaks along the way at unexpected intervals so they get rewards throughout the day. Very Pavlovian :) I'm looking forward to moving from being a public school-like "teacher" to a "facilitator" for most of their classes.
2) Changing the attitude of the classroom this year from "I'm teaching" to "you're discovering". I'm planning on teaching the boys how to find their own answers this year through search engines online, reference books and other methods. I want to teach them to learn, not just spit out information. Of course, we still have to drill the basics because they are still weak in that area from public school. But I am so proud that we ended last year with both boys knowing all their multiplication tables, holding their pencils correctly without any pencil grips and writing in much-improved handwriting. So that part is definitely staying!
3) I'm going to continue to try to instill a love of reading in them. This is a tough one. They are both reluctant readers and even though they CAN read, they don't CHOOSE to read. I gave them a complete break from reading at the beginning of the summer, but by last week I was really missing reading to them, so I pulled a fun book from our Sonlight curriculum that we didn't have time for last year (The Candymakers by Wendy Mass) and starting using it for bedtime reading. A book about a 12 year old boy who lives in a candy factory? Danny is enthralled and I am tickled. :) Ben is still wary...he is so bright with an amazing vocabulary, but something hasn't "clicked" in his reading enjoyment yet. He can't seem to read for enjoyment...somehow the content doesn't move into his brain very easily. He is content to listen to me read for now - and interrupts me to define words he doesn't know - but I haven't gotten the feeling yet that he can process all the story internally yet, so I'll keep reading to him and hope it "clicks" one day.
4) Make sure they move more and sit less. I was a nervous homeschool mom last year. I was terrified that they wouldn't get the subject content they needed and I would fail them. I am losing that fear a little this year, so I want to make sure they get as much "body knowledge" as they do "subject knowledge". This is one that I'm sure that moms who homeschool from the beginning do much better than those of us who are used to the public school model. Yes, we're still going to have desks they can use for common subjects, but I want to get us outside of the house and outside in the world more this year. If I can. I have been blessed that my personal health is doing so well these days (aside from putting on 10 pounds since beginning my homeschooling journey), so I'm hoping we can do more outside this year. Both boys are already enrolled in SAC soccer for the first time (serious nerves about Danny's "fitting in", but gotta tough it out since he's getting to be a big boy now) and they'll be enrolled again in the YMCA PE program they enjoyed so much last year. The Y program even finally got Ben swimming independently, which made me so happy and this summer at the pool MUCH more enjoyable. One serious bonus of pulling Ben out of public school last year is that his anxiety level seems to have dropped steadily and that has led him to want to re-enroll in Karate this year. I am SO thrilled! He enrolled in our neighborhood dojo in the first grade and was amazing. His sensei said he was definitely gifted and would be one of his best students...until Ben had to take his first belt test in front of the whole school. He had a huge anxiety attack and even though he finished his test (under firm pressure from his dad and teacher) and got his yellow belt...he was traumatized and refused to ever go back. Out of the blue this summer, he said he is ready to try again. Win!
For now, these are enough goals for me to plan and start our next school year.The schoolroom got a straightening yesterday and this week I'll be moving more shelves in and rearranging the furniture to see if we can find a "better" way to work. We still have a few weeks to go before we do hardcore curriculum, because we'll be taking our ocean vacation the week the public school students start and driving 500 miles to see my dad for his 75th birthday during our first week of school. The boys don't realize that during their first week of school, we'll be doing "video carschooling" on the van DVD player!
I need to get used to this rhythm and relax and enjoy, because Ben just told me this week that he may never want to go back to public school. I hear ya, son. This is too much fun. :)
Until yesterday.
Two thirds of the way through our vacation, it's time. I looked at the calendar last week to surprisingly discover it was already August and realized it's time to put next year together. Since I had already planned to use June to decompress and do some painting around the house and July for Spring cleaning and a nice long vacation with hubby while the boys vacationed with their godmothers, I am right on track. I had hopes of painting more, including the homeschool room (which was our dining room in a previous incarnation), but I need to lay those hopes aside unless a miracle happens in homeschool planning for next year :)
Since recovering, I now realize how seriously we all were burned out from our first attempt at homeschooling, so I'm making some modifications this year...one of the many benefits of homeschooling - we can modify anything that doesn't work! Some changes we'll be making this year:
1) We're going to try a modified Workbox System for work assignments with the boys each day. The Workbox system was originally developed by Sue Patrick and can be started with younger children, but really works with any age group. In a nutshell, each child starts the day with his work in "workboxes" and as he finishes his work, he moves the completed work to his "finished" area and stacks the empty workboxes aside. Since each student can move at his own pace and it is extremely visual, it works well for my visual learning boys. Each drawer is marked with what is being worked on and as long as it is done in the assigned order, each student can plan his day as he likes. The key is to put small treats and breaks along the way at unexpected intervals so they get rewards throughout the day. Very Pavlovian :) I'm looking forward to moving from being a public school-like "teacher" to a "facilitator" for most of their classes.
2) Changing the attitude of the classroom this year from "I'm teaching" to "you're discovering". I'm planning on teaching the boys how to find their own answers this year through search engines online, reference books and other methods. I want to teach them to learn, not just spit out information. Of course, we still have to drill the basics because they are still weak in that area from public school. But I am so proud that we ended last year with both boys knowing all their multiplication tables, holding their pencils correctly without any pencil grips and writing in much-improved handwriting. So that part is definitely staying!
3) I'm going to continue to try to instill a love of reading in them. This is a tough one. They are both reluctant readers and even though they CAN read, they don't CHOOSE to read. I gave them a complete break from reading at the beginning of the summer, but by last week I was really missing reading to them, so I pulled a fun book from our Sonlight curriculum that we didn't have time for last year (The Candymakers by Wendy Mass) and starting using it for bedtime reading. A book about a 12 year old boy who lives in a candy factory? Danny is enthralled and I am tickled. :) Ben is still wary...he is so bright with an amazing vocabulary, but something hasn't "clicked" in his reading enjoyment yet. He can't seem to read for enjoyment...somehow the content doesn't move into his brain very easily. He is content to listen to me read for now - and interrupts me to define words he doesn't know - but I haven't gotten the feeling yet that he can process all the story internally yet, so I'll keep reading to him and hope it "clicks" one day.
4) Make sure they move more and sit less. I was a nervous homeschool mom last year. I was terrified that they wouldn't get the subject content they needed and I would fail them. I am losing that fear a little this year, so I want to make sure they get as much "body knowledge" as they do "subject knowledge". This is one that I'm sure that moms who homeschool from the beginning do much better than those of us who are used to the public school model. Yes, we're still going to have desks they can use for common subjects, but I want to get us outside of the house and outside in the world more this year. If I can. I have been blessed that my personal health is doing so well these days (aside from putting on 10 pounds since beginning my homeschooling journey), so I'm hoping we can do more outside this year. Both boys are already enrolled in SAC soccer for the first time (serious nerves about Danny's "fitting in", but gotta tough it out since he's getting to be a big boy now) and they'll be enrolled again in the YMCA PE program they enjoyed so much last year. The Y program even finally got Ben swimming independently, which made me so happy and this summer at the pool MUCH more enjoyable. One serious bonus of pulling Ben out of public school last year is that his anxiety level seems to have dropped steadily and that has led him to want to re-enroll in Karate this year. I am SO thrilled! He enrolled in our neighborhood dojo in the first grade and was amazing. His sensei said he was definitely gifted and would be one of his best students...until Ben had to take his first belt test in front of the whole school. He had a huge anxiety attack and even though he finished his test (under firm pressure from his dad and teacher) and got his yellow belt...he was traumatized and refused to ever go back. Out of the blue this summer, he said he is ready to try again. Win!
For now, these are enough goals for me to plan and start our next school year.The schoolroom got a straightening yesterday and this week I'll be moving more shelves in and rearranging the furniture to see if we can find a "better" way to work. We still have a few weeks to go before we do hardcore curriculum, because we'll be taking our ocean vacation the week the public school students start and driving 500 miles to see my dad for his 75th birthday during our first week of school. The boys don't realize that during their first week of school, we'll be doing "video carschooling" on the van DVD player!
I need to get used to this rhythm and relax and enjoy, because Ben just told me this week that he may never want to go back to public school. I hear ya, son. This is too much fun. :)
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Week 36: The end of the beginning
So, today is my "official" last day of teaching homeschool our first year. Technically, our last school day is tomorrow, but I hope that is just a party day and all our work is finished, since we only have to finish our book summaries today. It's so strange - on Tuesday of this week, I was elated. I was almost finished! I felt like a marathon runner who is within steps of the ribbon and I knew I was going to make it! Amazing! Incredible!
So, on my last day of "educating", what am I doing? Planning next year's curriculum. How am I feeling? A little stressed, a little worried, very focused. Searching for books online. Thinking of how I am going to do "better" next year about the items we didn't really do well this year - or totally missed in a lot of ways. Yikes. Is this how athletes feel minutes after finishing a monumental race or game? You celebrate one minute and in the next minute, your focus is on the next challenge and what you can do better next time?
Don't get me wrong - we did amazing this year! After our week of vacation next week, I will begin to sit down and sort through the second half of our work this year and prepare my year-end evaluation report for my umbrella school. I'll look at what worked and what didn't. What we achieved (finishing spelling, science and history!) and what we didn't (only 75% of math and we totally lost grammar along the way somewhere this spring...). Trying to keep what we discovered from the good lessons (Danny needs both a DVD and workbook option for most subjects to keep him interested and Ben needs one-on-one for all his Language Arts) and find the answers to the hard lessons (I have an elementary and middle schooler next year and need to use two different approaches - yikes).
I have a lot more to learn-and now homeschooling becomes more the marathon than the sprint. This year, homeschool was a last-minute essential that I just HAD to figure out, for the good of my boys and my family. Now, I realize I need to play the long game and figure out MY strategy for the years to come. I thought I would run away from school the last day of teaching this year and not think about it again until I had to in August. But I'm already trying to plan and get ready for next year - ACK!
Part of this is because almost all the homeschoolers I've met and loved have been "organizational junkies". We love to plan. We love drawers and shelves and dividers and notebooks. Our eyes light up in office and teacher supply stores - what new markers can we buy today?!?! We love to fill up our adorable planners and Excel spreadsheets with new and amazing plans of all the fun things we'll teach our children next time. The planning is so much fun - the follow-through always feels harder, doesn't it? :) But every revision is better, every new learning makes our homeschool run smoother and service our children even better, so I know it's a good addiction to have!
So here's to the END of our FIRST and SUCCESSFUL Varga Homeschool year!! Yea!!
...and here's to the continuing saga of taking care of our children's education in the best way we can for them and their specialness.
Have a wonderful summer!!!!
So, on my last day of "educating", what am I doing? Planning next year's curriculum. How am I feeling? A little stressed, a little worried, very focused. Searching for books online. Thinking of how I am going to do "better" next year about the items we didn't really do well this year - or totally missed in a lot of ways. Yikes. Is this how athletes feel minutes after finishing a monumental race or game? You celebrate one minute and in the next minute, your focus is on the next challenge and what you can do better next time?
Don't get me wrong - we did amazing this year! After our week of vacation next week, I will begin to sit down and sort through the second half of our work this year and prepare my year-end evaluation report for my umbrella school. I'll look at what worked and what didn't. What we achieved (finishing spelling, science and history!) and what we didn't (only 75% of math and we totally lost grammar along the way somewhere this spring...). Trying to keep what we discovered from the good lessons (Danny needs both a DVD and workbook option for most subjects to keep him interested and Ben needs one-on-one for all his Language Arts) and find the answers to the hard lessons (I have an elementary and middle schooler next year and need to use two different approaches - yikes).
I have a lot more to learn-and now homeschooling becomes more the marathon than the sprint. This year, homeschool was a last-minute essential that I just HAD to figure out, for the good of my boys and my family. Now, I realize I need to play the long game and figure out MY strategy for the years to come. I thought I would run away from school the last day of teaching this year and not think about it again until I had to in August. But I'm already trying to plan and get ready for next year - ACK!
Part of this is because almost all the homeschoolers I've met and loved have been "organizational junkies". We love to plan. We love drawers and shelves and dividers and notebooks. Our eyes light up in office and teacher supply stores - what new markers can we buy today?!?! We love to fill up our adorable planners and Excel spreadsheets with new and amazing plans of all the fun things we'll teach our children next time. The planning is so much fun - the follow-through always feels harder, doesn't it? :) But every revision is better, every new learning makes our homeschool run smoother and service our children even better, so I know it's a good addiction to have!
So here's to the END of our FIRST and SUCCESSFUL Varga Homeschool year!! Yea!!
...and here's to the continuing saga of taking care of our children's education in the best way we can for them and their specialness.
Have a wonderful summer!!!!
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Caution: This is an Autism Moment
Reader warning: This entry is about my daily struggle being an Austism Mommy for my glorious son, Danny. If that doesn't interest you as much as my homeschool news, then this post is not for you :)
For those of you who don't know, my oldest son was diagnosed last year on the Autism Spectrum. Because he has social quirks and learning deficits all over the spectrum in an odd combination, his diagnosis is technically PDD/NOS - Pervasive Developmental Delay/Not Otherwise Specified. Not to go off on a tangent, but the DSM, the diagnostic "bible" of the psychiatric/psychological set got a makeover this year and the newest version, the DSM-V deletes this diagnosis and simply puts all Autism/Aspergers/PDD-NOS/Retts patients under the ASD (Austism Spectrum Disorder) diagnosis.
This means my son's diagnosis will (technically) disappear. Looking at the new specifications of the DSM-V, Danny will no longer meet the qualifications for autism. In fact, he will not meet ANY of the criteria of ANY official disorders. He will simply be "quirky", with no hope of getting any services....as if he was getting any now, which he isn't. :(
Believe it or not, that's actually not the cause of my rant today. Today, I'm having AMF...Autism Mommy Fatigue.
Most of the time, I can work with our daily schedule around our sons and our differences and quirky behaviors don't even show. We have done so well adjusting our lives around the needs of our sons that we don't even know we are doing it any more! I did have one of the psychologists that evaluated Danny note that we had adjusted our family to fit his needs...and I don't think she meant that as a compliment. But honestly, what options did we have?
When your son can't sit still long enough for you to receive your meal, much less finish eating it, you don't go to restaurants as a family.
When your 10-year-old son can't understand why it's not okay to yell at a 3-year-old boy who accidentally pushed you, you don't go to the playground when other children are there.
When your son has NEVER been able to tolerate anyone touching/brushing/cutting their hair, you don't take him to the barber anymore - you learn to cut hair yourself and do it every six weeks for years and years....
...and when you are cutting his hair and realize that his extreme scalp sensitivity has led to a horrible case of I-dont-even-know-if-I-can-call-this-dandruff-it-is-so-horrible - then you give another lesson in personal hygiene and find yourself washing your little boy's hair again, just like when he was three.
When your son needs the extra understanding and time required to actually LEARN educational material rather than just perform the required sequence of lessons in the required time, then you take him out of that environment - and you stop your own life and teach yourself how to teach and become a Homeschool Midlife Mom.
When your son can't tolerate more than a handful of food tastes, you stop making family meals and are sad - or you make two of them and seethe with resentment.
When your son shakes and cries with fear some nights because he's scared to sleep alone in his room at age 11, you have family campouts in your bedroom with your son in a slumber bag on the floor and lose the last of your privacy.
When you take your son(s) to a group homeschool activity on a beautiful day in a beautiful park and he whines for the entire visit because the toy he brought doesn't work because YOU didn't tell him something and that YOU should have told him to bring another...and then happily frolicks in the creek you are passing as you desperately try to walk to the parking lot and just LEAVE and get home to your quiet cup of coffee at home...
And when enough of these happen on one day...or too many days in a row...then you realize you are Autism Mommy and it is hard. So very, very hard. And you have given your life and soul to someone you love very much, and love to raise - but would very much like to watch grow, learn, and grow up. Before you lose your mind.
He is growing. He is learning. He is amazing and wonderful. But parts of him are the same as they were ten years ago. And Autism Mommy is tired today.
For those of you who don't know, my oldest son was diagnosed last year on the Autism Spectrum. Because he has social quirks and learning deficits all over the spectrum in an odd combination, his diagnosis is technically PDD/NOS - Pervasive Developmental Delay/Not Otherwise Specified. Not to go off on a tangent, but the DSM, the diagnostic "bible" of the psychiatric/psychological set got a makeover this year and the newest version, the DSM-V deletes this diagnosis and simply puts all Autism/Aspergers/PDD-NOS/Retts patients under the ASD (Austism Spectrum Disorder) diagnosis.
This means my son's diagnosis will (technically) disappear. Looking at the new specifications of the DSM-V, Danny will no longer meet the qualifications for autism. In fact, he will not meet ANY of the criteria of ANY official disorders. He will simply be "quirky", with no hope of getting any services....as if he was getting any now, which he isn't. :(
Believe it or not, that's actually not the cause of my rant today. Today, I'm having AMF...Autism Mommy Fatigue.
Most of the time, I can work with our daily schedule around our sons and our differences and quirky behaviors don't even show. We have done so well adjusting our lives around the needs of our sons that we don't even know we are doing it any more! I did have one of the psychologists that evaluated Danny note that we had adjusted our family to fit his needs...and I don't think she meant that as a compliment. But honestly, what options did we have?
When your son can't sit still long enough for you to receive your meal, much less finish eating it, you don't go to restaurants as a family.
When your 10-year-old son can't understand why it's not okay to yell at a 3-year-old boy who accidentally pushed you, you don't go to the playground when other children are there.
When your son has NEVER been able to tolerate anyone touching/brushing/cutting their hair, you don't take him to the barber anymore - you learn to cut hair yourself and do it every six weeks for years and years....
...and when you are cutting his hair and realize that his extreme scalp sensitivity has led to a horrible case of I-dont-even-know-if-I-can-call-this-dandruff-it-is-so-horrible - then you give another lesson in personal hygiene and find yourself washing your little boy's hair again, just like when he was three.
When your son needs the extra understanding and time required to actually LEARN educational material rather than just perform the required sequence of lessons in the required time, then you take him out of that environment - and you stop your own life and teach yourself how to teach and become a Homeschool Midlife Mom.
When your son can't tolerate more than a handful of food tastes, you stop making family meals and are sad - or you make two of them and seethe with resentment.
When your son shakes and cries with fear some nights because he's scared to sleep alone in his room at age 11, you have family campouts in your bedroom with your son in a slumber bag on the floor and lose the last of your privacy.
When you take your son(s) to a group homeschool activity on a beautiful day in a beautiful park and he whines for the entire visit because the toy he brought doesn't work because YOU didn't tell him something and that YOU should have told him to bring another...and then happily frolicks in the creek you are passing as you desperately try to walk to the parking lot and just LEAVE and get home to your quiet cup of coffee at home...
And when enough of these happen on one day...or too many days in a row...then you realize you are Autism Mommy and it is hard. So very, very hard. And you have given your life and soul to someone you love very much, and love to raise - but would very much like to watch grow, learn, and grow up. Before you lose your mind.
He is growing. He is learning. He is amazing and wonderful. But parts of him are the same as they were ten years ago. And Autism Mommy is tired today.
Thursday, May 9, 2013
A full life and a full time job...
I'm not sure where I first read that homeschooling is a full-time job, but I believe them now. It's not that I didn't believe them before, it's just that I had no frame of reference.
Consider my reference suitably framed.
The last time I was a full-time working mom, I was in my 30s with two girls, ages 12 and 16. I was out of the "trenches" of baby mothering and my girls were in public school, so that was nicely out of my hands. Of course, I still had the brunt of teenaged escapades to come (and had NO idea how hard THAT was going to be), but going to work didn't kill me. Actually, in a way, it saved me because it was an escape to a world that was just "me" without the name "mom" attached - well, most of the time.
So, after 16 years of being a working mom, I had a vague idea of what full-time work was going to be like. However. This has been different.
After teaching homeschool to my two boys for almost a full year, I can honestly say I never imagined it would be this hard. And it has taken over our lives and our home as if I did have a full-time job right in the house. Our house is not neat. It is not clean. It is held together with bubblegum and bandaids until we finish our curriculum at the end of this month and I can do emergency surgery on the bathrooms and kitchen. After being a SAHM for a decade, I never realized before how much I actually accomplished at home when they were out of the house for preschool/school/camp/etc. This year I had exactly one hour a week when they were not in my hands - when they went to homeschool PE class at the Y. I usually work out in heavenly peace while they are there, but lately I've just been in recovery mode during that time and try to just deep breath while I walk around Target or Barnes and Noble for an hour. And shop. Don't forget shopping. That definitely helps.
But as I limped out of bed this morning trying to wrap my head around the day ahead and decide which subjects we NEEDED to do today and which we SHOULD do today and which chores I would TRY to squeeze in between classes before I'm too tired to make dinner tonight...I realized I have a full-time job that I never planned on having. I knew that having two more babies in my forties AND working was impossible, so my husband and I worked it out financially so I could stay home until they were in school. HA!
Then came my autoimmune diagnosis. And my older son's ADD and PDD/NOS diagnosis. And then the recession! So now I'm working full-time anyway - for NO money - AND being a full-time SAHM to boot. Wow. How the heck did that happen?
Well, don't let anyone tell you that homeschooling isn't a job. Yes, we sleep late and go to bed at night when it suits us. Yes, we can swap history for bike-riding on a nice day and go on field trips wherever we want and always get to chaperone :). Yes, we have no evening or weekend homework/book report/science project stress from meeting someone else's deadlines. But the schoolwork gets done and the housework doesn't. And I'm dog tired and need a vacation.
Yep, this is definitely a full-time job. And come to think of it, the best one I've ever had :)
Consider my reference suitably framed.
The last time I was a full-time working mom, I was in my 30s with two girls, ages 12 and 16. I was out of the "trenches" of baby mothering and my girls were in public school, so that was nicely out of my hands. Of course, I still had the brunt of teenaged escapades to come (and had NO idea how hard THAT was going to be), but going to work didn't kill me. Actually, in a way, it saved me because it was an escape to a world that was just "me" without the name "mom" attached - well, most of the time.
So, after 16 years of being a working mom, I had a vague idea of what full-time work was going to be like. However. This has been different.
After teaching homeschool to my two boys for almost a full year, I can honestly say I never imagined it would be this hard. And it has taken over our lives and our home as if I did have a full-time job right in the house. Our house is not neat. It is not clean. It is held together with bubblegum and bandaids until we finish our curriculum at the end of this month and I can do emergency surgery on the bathrooms and kitchen. After being a SAHM for a decade, I never realized before how much I actually accomplished at home when they were out of the house for preschool/school/camp/etc. This year I had exactly one hour a week when they were not in my hands - when they went to homeschool PE class at the Y. I usually work out in heavenly peace while they are there, but lately I've just been in recovery mode during that time and try to just deep breath while I walk around Target or Barnes and Noble for an hour. And shop. Don't forget shopping. That definitely helps.
But as I limped out of bed this morning trying to wrap my head around the day ahead and decide which subjects we NEEDED to do today and which we SHOULD do today and which chores I would TRY to squeeze in between classes before I'm too tired to make dinner tonight...I realized I have a full-time job that I never planned on having. I knew that having two more babies in my forties AND working was impossible, so my husband and I worked it out financially so I could stay home until they were in school. HA!
Then came my autoimmune diagnosis. And my older son's ADD and PDD/NOS diagnosis. And then the recession! So now I'm working full-time anyway - for NO money - AND being a full-time SAHM to boot. Wow. How the heck did that happen?
Well, don't let anyone tell you that homeschooling isn't a job. Yes, we sleep late and go to bed at night when it suits us. Yes, we can swap history for bike-riding on a nice day and go on field trips wherever we want and always get to chaperone :). Yes, we have no evening or weekend homework/book report/science project stress from meeting someone else's deadlines. But the schoolwork gets done and the housework doesn't. And I'm dog tired and need a vacation.
Yep, this is definitely a full-time job. And come to think of it, the best one I've ever had :)
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Week 33: Oh so done....
I'm done. So done. So very done. And I have 3 1/2 weeks left until the "official" end of the Homeschool year. I'm burned out, exhausted, impossibly behind on housework and paperwork and....everything. I need a break like you wouldn't believe. I don't have the will to pull myself out of bed in the morning but I still can't sleep at night. Go figure.
Other than that, things are awesome :) The boys are happy, getting along so well, and doing so well in school I can't complain at all.
It's just me - I'm out of juice! Well, I'll keep giving the boys their work every day and we'll DO this thing until it's DONE. I'm obviously an ADD carrier to my kids because I love to start new and interesting things...and it is torture for me to finish them! So I know this can be done, and I just have to DO it.
Where are my Nikes? :)
Other than that, things are awesome :) The boys are happy, getting along so well, and doing so well in school I can't complain at all.
It's just me - I'm out of juice! Well, I'll keep giving the boys their work every day and we'll DO this thing until it's DONE. I'm obviously an ADD carrier to my kids because I love to start new and interesting things...and it is torture for me to finish them! So I know this can be done, and I just have to DO it.
Where are my Nikes? :)
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