So, today is my "official" last day of teaching homeschool our first year. Technically, our last school day is tomorrow, but I hope that is just a party day and all our work is finished, since we only have to finish our book summaries today. It's so strange - on Tuesday of this week, I was elated. I was almost finished! I felt like a marathon runner who is within steps of the ribbon and I knew I was going to make it! Amazing! Incredible!
So, on my last day of "educating", what am I doing? Planning next year's curriculum. How am I feeling? A little stressed, a little worried, very focused. Searching for books online. Thinking of how I am going to do "better" next year about the items we didn't really do well this year - or totally missed in a lot of ways. Yikes. Is this how athletes feel minutes after finishing a monumental race or game? You celebrate one minute and in the next minute, your focus is on the next challenge and what you can do better next time?
Don't get me wrong - we did amazing this year! After our week of vacation next week, I will begin to sit down and sort through the second half of our work this year and prepare my year-end evaluation report for my umbrella school. I'll look at what worked and what didn't. What we achieved (finishing spelling, science and history!) and what we didn't (only 75% of math and we totally lost grammar along the way somewhere this spring...). Trying to keep what we discovered from the good lessons (Danny needs both a DVD and workbook option for most subjects to keep him interested and Ben needs one-on-one for all his Language Arts) and find the answers to the hard lessons (I have an elementary and middle schooler next year and need to use two different approaches - yikes).
I have a lot more to learn-and now homeschooling becomes more the marathon than the sprint. This year, homeschool was a last-minute essential that I just HAD to figure out, for the good of my boys and my family. Now, I realize I need to play the long game and figure out MY strategy for the years to come. I thought I would run away from school the last day of teaching this year and not think about it again until I had to in August. But I'm already trying to plan and get ready for next year - ACK!
Part of this is because almost all the homeschoolers I've met and loved have been "organizational junkies". We love to plan. We love drawers and shelves and dividers and notebooks. Our eyes light up in office and teacher supply stores - what new markers can we buy today?!?! We love to fill up our adorable planners and Excel spreadsheets with new and amazing plans of all the fun things we'll teach our children next time. The planning is so much fun - the follow-through always feels harder, doesn't it? :) But every revision is better, every new learning makes our homeschool run smoother and service our children even better, so I know it's a good addiction to have!
So here's to the END of our FIRST and SUCCESSFUL Varga Homeschool year!! Yea!!
...and here's to the continuing saga of taking care of our children's education in the best way we can for them and their specialness.
Have a wonderful summer!!!!
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Caution: This is an Autism Moment
Reader warning: This entry is about my daily struggle being an Austism Mommy for my glorious son, Danny. If that doesn't interest you as much as my homeschool news, then this post is not for you :)
For those of you who don't know, my oldest son was diagnosed last year on the Autism Spectrum. Because he has social quirks and learning deficits all over the spectrum in an odd combination, his diagnosis is technically PDD/NOS - Pervasive Developmental Delay/Not Otherwise Specified. Not to go off on a tangent, but the DSM, the diagnostic "bible" of the psychiatric/psychological set got a makeover this year and the newest version, the DSM-V deletes this diagnosis and simply puts all Autism/Aspergers/PDD-NOS/Retts patients under the ASD (Austism Spectrum Disorder) diagnosis.
This means my son's diagnosis will (technically) disappear. Looking at the new specifications of the DSM-V, Danny will no longer meet the qualifications for autism. In fact, he will not meet ANY of the criteria of ANY official disorders. He will simply be "quirky", with no hope of getting any services....as if he was getting any now, which he isn't. :(
Believe it or not, that's actually not the cause of my rant today. Today, I'm having AMF...Autism Mommy Fatigue.
Most of the time, I can work with our daily schedule around our sons and our differences and quirky behaviors don't even show. We have done so well adjusting our lives around the needs of our sons that we don't even know we are doing it any more! I did have one of the psychologists that evaluated Danny note that we had adjusted our family to fit his needs...and I don't think she meant that as a compliment. But honestly, what options did we have?
When your son can't sit still long enough for you to receive your meal, much less finish eating it, you don't go to restaurants as a family.
When your 10-year-old son can't understand why it's not okay to yell at a 3-year-old boy who accidentally pushed you, you don't go to the playground when other children are there.
When your son has NEVER been able to tolerate anyone touching/brushing/cutting their hair, you don't take him to the barber anymore - you learn to cut hair yourself and do it every six weeks for years and years....
...and when you are cutting his hair and realize that his extreme scalp sensitivity has led to a horrible case of I-dont-even-know-if-I-can-call-this-dandruff-it-is-so-horrible - then you give another lesson in personal hygiene and find yourself washing your little boy's hair again, just like when he was three.
When your son needs the extra understanding and time required to actually LEARN educational material rather than just perform the required sequence of lessons in the required time, then you take him out of that environment - and you stop your own life and teach yourself how to teach and become a Homeschool Midlife Mom.
When your son can't tolerate more than a handful of food tastes, you stop making family meals and are sad - or you make two of them and seethe with resentment.
When your son shakes and cries with fear some nights because he's scared to sleep alone in his room at age 11, you have family campouts in your bedroom with your son in a slumber bag on the floor and lose the last of your privacy.
When you take your son(s) to a group homeschool activity on a beautiful day in a beautiful park and he whines for the entire visit because the toy he brought doesn't work because YOU didn't tell him something and that YOU should have told him to bring another...and then happily frolicks in the creek you are passing as you desperately try to walk to the parking lot and just LEAVE and get home to your quiet cup of coffee at home...
And when enough of these happen on one day...or too many days in a row...then you realize you are Autism Mommy and it is hard. So very, very hard. And you have given your life and soul to someone you love very much, and love to raise - but would very much like to watch grow, learn, and grow up. Before you lose your mind.
He is growing. He is learning. He is amazing and wonderful. But parts of him are the same as they were ten years ago. And Autism Mommy is tired today.
For those of you who don't know, my oldest son was diagnosed last year on the Autism Spectrum. Because he has social quirks and learning deficits all over the spectrum in an odd combination, his diagnosis is technically PDD/NOS - Pervasive Developmental Delay/Not Otherwise Specified. Not to go off on a tangent, but the DSM, the diagnostic "bible" of the psychiatric/psychological set got a makeover this year and the newest version, the DSM-V deletes this diagnosis and simply puts all Autism/Aspergers/PDD-NOS/Retts patients under the ASD (Austism Spectrum Disorder) diagnosis.
This means my son's diagnosis will (technically) disappear. Looking at the new specifications of the DSM-V, Danny will no longer meet the qualifications for autism. In fact, he will not meet ANY of the criteria of ANY official disorders. He will simply be "quirky", with no hope of getting any services....as if he was getting any now, which he isn't. :(
Believe it or not, that's actually not the cause of my rant today. Today, I'm having AMF...Autism Mommy Fatigue.
Most of the time, I can work with our daily schedule around our sons and our differences and quirky behaviors don't even show. We have done so well adjusting our lives around the needs of our sons that we don't even know we are doing it any more! I did have one of the psychologists that evaluated Danny note that we had adjusted our family to fit his needs...and I don't think she meant that as a compliment. But honestly, what options did we have?
When your son can't sit still long enough for you to receive your meal, much less finish eating it, you don't go to restaurants as a family.
When your 10-year-old son can't understand why it's not okay to yell at a 3-year-old boy who accidentally pushed you, you don't go to the playground when other children are there.
When your son has NEVER been able to tolerate anyone touching/brushing/cutting their hair, you don't take him to the barber anymore - you learn to cut hair yourself and do it every six weeks for years and years....
...and when you are cutting his hair and realize that his extreme scalp sensitivity has led to a horrible case of I-dont-even-know-if-I-can-call-this-dandruff-it-is-so-horrible - then you give another lesson in personal hygiene and find yourself washing your little boy's hair again, just like when he was three.
When your son needs the extra understanding and time required to actually LEARN educational material rather than just perform the required sequence of lessons in the required time, then you take him out of that environment - and you stop your own life and teach yourself how to teach and become a Homeschool Midlife Mom.
When your son can't tolerate more than a handful of food tastes, you stop making family meals and are sad - or you make two of them and seethe with resentment.
When your son shakes and cries with fear some nights because he's scared to sleep alone in his room at age 11, you have family campouts in your bedroom with your son in a slumber bag on the floor and lose the last of your privacy.
When you take your son(s) to a group homeschool activity on a beautiful day in a beautiful park and he whines for the entire visit because the toy he brought doesn't work because YOU didn't tell him something and that YOU should have told him to bring another...and then happily frolicks in the creek you are passing as you desperately try to walk to the parking lot and just LEAVE and get home to your quiet cup of coffee at home...
And when enough of these happen on one day...or too many days in a row...then you realize you are Autism Mommy and it is hard. So very, very hard. And you have given your life and soul to someone you love very much, and love to raise - but would very much like to watch grow, learn, and grow up. Before you lose your mind.
He is growing. He is learning. He is amazing and wonderful. But parts of him are the same as they were ten years ago. And Autism Mommy is tired today.
Thursday, May 9, 2013
A full life and a full time job...
I'm not sure where I first read that homeschooling is a full-time job, but I believe them now. It's not that I didn't believe them before, it's just that I had no frame of reference.
Consider my reference suitably framed.
The last time I was a full-time working mom, I was in my 30s with two girls, ages 12 and 16. I was out of the "trenches" of baby mothering and my girls were in public school, so that was nicely out of my hands. Of course, I still had the brunt of teenaged escapades to come (and had NO idea how hard THAT was going to be), but going to work didn't kill me. Actually, in a way, it saved me because it was an escape to a world that was just "me" without the name "mom" attached - well, most of the time.
So, after 16 years of being a working mom, I had a vague idea of what full-time work was going to be like. However. This has been different.
After teaching homeschool to my two boys for almost a full year, I can honestly say I never imagined it would be this hard. And it has taken over our lives and our home as if I did have a full-time job right in the house. Our house is not neat. It is not clean. It is held together with bubblegum and bandaids until we finish our curriculum at the end of this month and I can do emergency surgery on the bathrooms and kitchen. After being a SAHM for a decade, I never realized before how much I actually accomplished at home when they were out of the house for preschool/school/camp/etc. This year I had exactly one hour a week when they were not in my hands - when they went to homeschool PE class at the Y. I usually work out in heavenly peace while they are there, but lately I've just been in recovery mode during that time and try to just deep breath while I walk around Target or Barnes and Noble for an hour. And shop. Don't forget shopping. That definitely helps.
But as I limped out of bed this morning trying to wrap my head around the day ahead and decide which subjects we NEEDED to do today and which we SHOULD do today and which chores I would TRY to squeeze in between classes before I'm too tired to make dinner tonight...I realized I have a full-time job that I never planned on having. I knew that having two more babies in my forties AND working was impossible, so my husband and I worked it out financially so I could stay home until they were in school. HA!
Then came my autoimmune diagnosis. And my older son's ADD and PDD/NOS diagnosis. And then the recession! So now I'm working full-time anyway - for NO money - AND being a full-time SAHM to boot. Wow. How the heck did that happen?
Well, don't let anyone tell you that homeschooling isn't a job. Yes, we sleep late and go to bed at night when it suits us. Yes, we can swap history for bike-riding on a nice day and go on field trips wherever we want and always get to chaperone :). Yes, we have no evening or weekend homework/book report/science project stress from meeting someone else's deadlines. But the schoolwork gets done and the housework doesn't. And I'm dog tired and need a vacation.
Yep, this is definitely a full-time job. And come to think of it, the best one I've ever had :)
Consider my reference suitably framed.
The last time I was a full-time working mom, I was in my 30s with two girls, ages 12 and 16. I was out of the "trenches" of baby mothering and my girls were in public school, so that was nicely out of my hands. Of course, I still had the brunt of teenaged escapades to come (and had NO idea how hard THAT was going to be), but going to work didn't kill me. Actually, in a way, it saved me because it was an escape to a world that was just "me" without the name "mom" attached - well, most of the time.
So, after 16 years of being a working mom, I had a vague idea of what full-time work was going to be like. However. This has been different.
After teaching homeschool to my two boys for almost a full year, I can honestly say I never imagined it would be this hard. And it has taken over our lives and our home as if I did have a full-time job right in the house. Our house is not neat. It is not clean. It is held together with bubblegum and bandaids until we finish our curriculum at the end of this month and I can do emergency surgery on the bathrooms and kitchen. After being a SAHM for a decade, I never realized before how much I actually accomplished at home when they were out of the house for preschool/school/camp/etc. This year I had exactly one hour a week when they were not in my hands - when they went to homeschool PE class at the Y. I usually work out in heavenly peace while they are there, but lately I've just been in recovery mode during that time and try to just deep breath while I walk around Target or Barnes and Noble for an hour. And shop. Don't forget shopping. That definitely helps.
But as I limped out of bed this morning trying to wrap my head around the day ahead and decide which subjects we NEEDED to do today and which we SHOULD do today and which chores I would TRY to squeeze in between classes before I'm too tired to make dinner tonight...I realized I have a full-time job that I never planned on having. I knew that having two more babies in my forties AND working was impossible, so my husband and I worked it out financially so I could stay home until they were in school. HA!
Then came my autoimmune diagnosis. And my older son's ADD and PDD/NOS diagnosis. And then the recession! So now I'm working full-time anyway - for NO money - AND being a full-time SAHM to boot. Wow. How the heck did that happen?
Well, don't let anyone tell you that homeschooling isn't a job. Yes, we sleep late and go to bed at night when it suits us. Yes, we can swap history for bike-riding on a nice day and go on field trips wherever we want and always get to chaperone :). Yes, we have no evening or weekend homework/book report/science project stress from meeting someone else's deadlines. But the schoolwork gets done and the housework doesn't. And I'm dog tired and need a vacation.
Yep, this is definitely a full-time job. And come to think of it, the best one I've ever had :)
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Week 33: Oh so done....
I'm done. So done. So very done. And I have 3 1/2 weeks left until the "official" end of the Homeschool year. I'm burned out, exhausted, impossibly behind on housework and paperwork and....everything. I need a break like you wouldn't believe. I don't have the will to pull myself out of bed in the morning but I still can't sleep at night. Go figure.
Other than that, things are awesome :) The boys are happy, getting along so well, and doing so well in school I can't complain at all.
It's just me - I'm out of juice! Well, I'll keep giving the boys their work every day and we'll DO this thing until it's DONE. I'm obviously an ADD carrier to my kids because I love to start new and interesting things...and it is torture for me to finish them! So I know this can be done, and I just have to DO it.
Where are my Nikes? :)
Other than that, things are awesome :) The boys are happy, getting along so well, and doing so well in school I can't complain at all.
It's just me - I'm out of juice! Well, I'll keep giving the boys their work every day and we'll DO this thing until it's DONE. I'm obviously an ADD carrier to my kids because I love to start new and interesting things...and it is torture for me to finish them! So I know this can be done, and I just have to DO it.
Where are my Nikes? :)
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Week 31: The Final Countdown
Well, this is it. The final countdown to the last weeks of school. This is where I really have to pull it off. Can I finish what I started last September? Finishing things is a hard one for me...the ADD part of me loves to start new and interesting things, but finishing up those last hard parts are always a challenge!
So...this time last year I was gearing up for becoming Midlife Homeschool Mom and now I am figuring out how to finish my first year in this new endeavor. I spent two hours tonight compiling my final 6-week curriculum calendar and let's just say...my mantra for this year should be "Best Laid Plans....". I've started each day/week/month with a great-looking calendar - and then my boys enter the picture and chaos ensues!
I'm encouraged that it looks like I'll be able to "finish" more subjects in my curriculum than I expected when I saw at mid-year that we were "behind". I began this year promising myself that I would go at my sons' speed and do what they needed, but I also realize now that if I stop for every issue Danny has, we will NEVER finish a school year, since his learning progress is so erratic and varies from day to day.
Anyway, I need to make sure that even if Danny doesn't "get" everything we cover that I go ahead and progress so at least he's exposed to all the new information he needs. We can always review next year when we encounter paragraphs or regrouping again - it (and we) aren't going anywhere!
Six more weeks...and then Mom will have a Summer Vacation Party!! :)
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Week 29: Learning when to rest...
Homeschooling is teaching ALL of us.
One of the first things I am learning in my first year of homeschooling is that I will be learning as much as my sons do. Not only about what their needs, abilities and challenges are and not just about history and science facts that I missed my FIRST time around in school (!), but what a homeschool is and how OUR particular school works.
This week I learned that our school has a cycle of about six weeks. During those weeks, we begin with some squeaky gears the first week or so, start to really pickup steam and plow through some quality work for a few weeks...and then we hit the hard weeks. Just when I feel like we have "got" this homeschooling thing and I'm doing it "right" and they are learning so much and I am helping them just right...that's when I start to feel the cars jump the track. A bump here and there and it starts to occur to me that this is getting harder. Personally, I get emotionally burnt out and physically exhausted. I can barely get out of bed in the morning, regardless of the hour. So I down more coffee to keep alert and focused...and then sleep goes missing. By the end of this last week, I just knew I couldn't go on another day without an "off week" and I checked the calender. By George, we were completing our sixth week since the last break - Bingo! It's amazing. Like clockwork.
Now I'm working on the acceptance factor - accepting that we can't go speeding straight through the last seven weeks of class and complete an amazing amount of work before the end of the school year. It will just be enough, no more, this time. I need to accept that next week will be a break for all of us from classwork - and we can mend some holes in the housework around here that have been overlooked while we rest our schedule. We'll do some fun outings to the zoo and go to see the Constitution and Declaration of Independence at the National Archives...and yes, these will count as school field trips, but I will relax and enjoy the day with my guys for those trips!
Today was my first day "off" and I celebrated with a total Bruno Mars "Lazy Song" day....I didn't get out of bed until 11am, then rested in the recliner until 3pm, then in my office rocking chair until now :) I did unpack a suitcase and straighten a little, but looking around my office, I think I'll be working in here for a while between blogs! I know my next lesson will be how to have a nice, relaxing and recharging summer break while getting ready for a meaner, leaner homeschool next year. I know it will be better, because "when you know better, you do better"..... :)
One of the first things I am learning in my first year of homeschooling is that I will be learning as much as my sons do. Not only about what their needs, abilities and challenges are and not just about history and science facts that I missed my FIRST time around in school (!), but what a homeschool is and how OUR particular school works.
This week I learned that our school has a cycle of about six weeks. During those weeks, we begin with some squeaky gears the first week or so, start to really pickup steam and plow through some quality work for a few weeks...and then we hit the hard weeks. Just when I feel like we have "got" this homeschooling thing and I'm doing it "right" and they are learning so much and I am helping them just right...that's when I start to feel the cars jump the track. A bump here and there and it starts to occur to me that this is getting harder. Personally, I get emotionally burnt out and physically exhausted. I can barely get out of bed in the morning, regardless of the hour. So I down more coffee to keep alert and focused...and then sleep goes missing. By the end of this last week, I just knew I couldn't go on another day without an "off week" and I checked the calender. By George, we were completing our sixth week since the last break - Bingo! It's amazing. Like clockwork.
Now I'm working on the acceptance factor - accepting that we can't go speeding straight through the last seven weeks of class and complete an amazing amount of work before the end of the school year. It will just be enough, no more, this time. I need to accept that next week will be a break for all of us from classwork - and we can mend some holes in the housework around here that have been overlooked while we rest our schedule. We'll do some fun outings to the zoo and go to see the Constitution and Declaration of Independence at the National Archives...and yes, these will count as school field trips, but I will relax and enjoy the day with my guys for those trips!
Today was my first day "off" and I celebrated with a total Bruno Mars "Lazy Song" day....I didn't get out of bed until 11am, then rested in the recliner until 3pm, then in my office rocking chair until now :) I did unpack a suitcase and straighten a little, but looking around my office, I think I'll be working in here for a while between blogs! I know my next lesson will be how to have a nice, relaxing and recharging summer break while getting ready for a meaner, leaner homeschool next year. I know it will be better, because "when you know better, you do better"..... :)
Friday, March 15, 2013
Week 25: If I knew then what I know now...
Well, another week finished and 11 more weeks to go! We've been at this for over 6 months now and I feel like I'm just now getting my "sea legs". Sent my mid-year review packet to my umbrella school at the beginning of the month (I know it's late, but the school was just overwhelmed by new homeschoolers this year!) and realized I wish I had known what I know now when we started back in September.
I've finally realized that I can't do everything every day. My canned curriculum had us doing ALOT of work EVERY day and not only do my boys not do well with that schedule, I don't. I finally realized that it was most important that I do the "Three R's" every day, so without fail, we do those every day and mix up the rest. Since history is mostly reading, that gets taken care of easily with reading. We take care of science our first three days of the week and let it go at that. I plan to do the "fun" science experiments when the weather gets warmer and during the summer, like planting a garden, so I'm not sweating the labwork right now.
The hardest thing to seem to fit in are the "fun" electives that the boys like to do but don't seem too important, so I've relegated them to after math and spelling on Fridays. Today they worked on www.codeacademy.com for their second lesson in HTML because they REALLY wanted to learn programming. Yep, they are our sons, geekiness and all :) Classes that only happen once a week or so, like handwriting, keyboarding (for Ben), art, music, etc, are harder to fit in and make sure they happen. I'm lucky during the school year that choir and cello practice give us a definite day to schedule it, but when we get to a foreign language next year, I'm sort of lost.
The boys are finally comfortable knowing that "school" will happen every day, will not be too painful and the sooner they buckle down and finish their work, the better. I've become more comfortable knowing that I don't have to do EVERYthing in the curriculum and it will still be enough. I still worry we are going to be pretty far behind when the school year is up, but I read enough from my school curriculum support posts to know that I shouldn't sweat it if it takes up to two years to finish this single year of curriculum. It won't take us nearly that long, but I feel better knowing I'm not alone and that I'll be so much more prepared this fall when we start our second year of homeschool. I can't believe it's already time to pick and buy my books and materials for next year-or that we're actually getting close to the end of our first year and planning on doing it again!
So, if I could talk to my "first year homeschooler" Laura self at this point, I would say, "Laura, just make sure they get their 3 R's done every day. Make sure that you are there for questions, that you work with them when they get stuck and that you have a plan for today and tomorrow. The rest will be okay and will take care of itself-you are doing great!"
I wonder what next year's Laura will have to say to me? :)
I've finally realized that I can't do everything every day. My canned curriculum had us doing ALOT of work EVERY day and not only do my boys not do well with that schedule, I don't. I finally realized that it was most important that I do the "Three R's" every day, so without fail, we do those every day and mix up the rest. Since history is mostly reading, that gets taken care of easily with reading. We take care of science our first three days of the week and let it go at that. I plan to do the "fun" science experiments when the weather gets warmer and during the summer, like planting a garden, so I'm not sweating the labwork right now.
The hardest thing to seem to fit in are the "fun" electives that the boys like to do but don't seem too important, so I've relegated them to after math and spelling on Fridays. Today they worked on www.codeacademy.com for their second lesson in HTML because they REALLY wanted to learn programming. Yep, they are our sons, geekiness and all :) Classes that only happen once a week or so, like handwriting, keyboarding (for Ben), art, music, etc, are harder to fit in and make sure they happen. I'm lucky during the school year that choir and cello practice give us a definite day to schedule it, but when we get to a foreign language next year, I'm sort of lost.
The boys are finally comfortable knowing that "school" will happen every day, will not be too painful and the sooner they buckle down and finish their work, the better. I've become more comfortable knowing that I don't have to do EVERYthing in the curriculum and it will still be enough. I still worry we are going to be pretty far behind when the school year is up, but I read enough from my school curriculum support posts to know that I shouldn't sweat it if it takes up to two years to finish this single year of curriculum. It won't take us nearly that long, but I feel better knowing I'm not alone and that I'll be so much more prepared this fall when we start our second year of homeschool. I can't believe it's already time to pick and buy my books and materials for next year-or that we're actually getting close to the end of our first year and planning on doing it again!
So, if I could talk to my "first year homeschooler" Laura self at this point, I would say, "Laura, just make sure they get their 3 R's done every day. Make sure that you are there for questions, that you work with them when they get stuck and that you have a plan for today and tomorrow. The rest will be okay and will take care of itself-you are doing great!"
I wonder what next year's Laura will have to say to me? :)
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